Superhero Plumber?

Cops busted the owner of a flame-throwing scooter, on Thursday. Everybody wants a flame thrower on a motor bike,” plumber Colin Furze told the U.K.’s Telegraph before getting arrested on a highway north of London.

The bike shoots 15ft flames from behind. He built it just before Christmas, and posted videos of himself using it on YouTube.



"I don’t need a flame thrower on the back of my bike, I’m not going to set fire to people’s car’s, it’s just something interesting to do,” said the daredevil.

Furze, 30, was apprehended Thursday, when police spotted him driving his new ride on the highway in Stamford, Lincolnshire, a small community about 160 kilometres north of London.
The Telegraph reports that Curze was being held on suspicion of possessing an object converted into a firearm. He was released on unconditional police bail without charge pending further police investigation. Curze would not comment following the arrest.


Nice scooter, bro. I would have no problem riding this Vespa around town; if I didn't have any pride. Listen guy, I know your life sucks because you just clean human defecation out of shitters all day but, your flame-thrower vespa aint cool, and it aint getting you laid.
Don't mistake what I'm saying, the flamethrower is gnar but, the bike is as gay as it gets. You can spend all your time making this sick flamethrower but ultimately, you're attaching it on your pussy bike. Which, doesn't make you any kind of daredevil superhero. "OHHH, look at my flamethrower scooter, I'm badass." No, you're not. You're a plumber with a 6hp scooter and a sick flamethrower. Take that shit to provincetown. I just roasted you, bitch.


PS- Check this guy out trying to impress this chick with a wheelie. Everything looks gay on a scooter. Fucking fail.








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Freakshow Friday - Dog Has 2 Heads

[CALDON - APRIL 1, 2002] - It started out like any other day. Cookie and his owners, Jim and Sally Jones were walking in their local park when police swooped down and gave the Jones' a citation on Cookie.

According to a local ordinance all dogs in the park must be on a leash. Authorities were notified that a dog in the park was seen without a leash, the dog was Cookie.

Sally Jones, near tears, told the officers on the scene that Cookie was on a leash, showing the officers the leash and collar securely fashioned to one of Cookie's necks. The officers noted the leash only secured one side of Cookie and not the other.

Despite protests from Jim Jones the officers wrote up a citation stating "the dog was not in full control at all times", since Cookie could change directions with the unsecured head and neck.

The crowd, which had gathered, boo'd the officers as they continued to write up the citation against Cookie. One passerby noted, "Cookie is a great dog, two kids can pet him on the head[s] at the same time and he loves it."

Despite the support of the crowd Sally and Jim were told to take Cookie home and secure him properly next time they were out walking or they would be back to arrest Cookie.

Jim and Sally explained that two collars and leashes would have Cookie coming and going in too many directions and would make it unmanageable but the officers still didn't buy it.

The Jones plan to appeal the citation to the highest courts.

Jim and Sally Jones just don't get it do they. What you think you can just go around with your untamely freakshow dog running around all over the park without a leash on just because your a little different. No. You cant. You abide by the same rules as all the 1 headed dogs. Matter fact there should be some extra rules put in place for dogs with 2 heads just because we are not sure what the monstrosity is capable of yet. I mean have scientists even studied these things yet, i highly doubt it. The only reason I even heard of this mutant is from my dedication to freakshow friday and because classic shit like this just seems to fall into my lap from time to time. But all bullshit aside, if you have a 2 headed dog, you buy a 2 headed leash and strap it in, case closed. And im not talking about one of those weak retractable leases, im talking about the steel chain leashes used for a beast, because like i said before, theres not telling what these freaks might do.

P.S. - Do these people buy the dog with 2 heads already in place or does that second head just sprout up out of nowhere. Something to ponder.


Scrlln
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Freakshow Friday!

A man who turned blue after self-medicating for a skin condition says his hue is lightening.

Paul Karason, 58, has a strange side effect from using a silver compound which he used more than a decade ago to treat a bad case of dermatitis on his face.
But he told NBC's Today Show that his skin is lightening because he is now using the self-administered doses of colloidal silver less.

I’m in a place right now where it’s very difficult for me to make my own, and my resources are limited and it’s very expensive, he explained to host Matt Lauer, a year after first appearing on the program.

The silver collects in the skin and other organs and does not dissipate, meaning Karason will be blue for life.
Karson also revealed he has recently broke off his relationship with partner Jackie Northrup during his interview today, who he was engaged to when he last appeared on the U.S. show.
He said: 'My skin has lightened up, it is not major but it is lightening up. I am actually going to try green.'


Well, if it isn't muchkins being caged in the zoo, it's Papa Smurf on the 'Today Show.' Look at this freak of nature man! This guy is more legit than any member of the 'Blue Man Group.' Why would Papa Smurf break up with with his parter? Unless he's getting some from Smurfette, he ain't doin any better. Chicks don't like blue skin or your santa beard, geekfreak. Somebody buy this man some face makeup, please. I guess it's better than being spray-tan orange. Still, he gives me the willies. YOU'RE MY BOY BLUE!






PS- I love it when bitches start smurfin me.

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Tiger..Tiger.......Tiger ---you Dog you

In sex Rehab Tiger Woods Admitted to having sexual encounters with 120 woman during his marriage, or should I say absolute sex briggade of one night stands hookers strippers, trannys, 3somes, eiffel tower, helicopter, blowjobs, handjobs, rim jobs..

120..5 years.. he left out the best part.. Tiger had sex with his 21 year-old sex kitten hornball cock loving put it in me tiger neighbor whom he originally left off of his list. As tigers wife would for sure find out, she imediatly called him while he was having dinner with his boys stating;

"This is the worst betrayal ever. I can't believe you had sex with that girl in our own neighborhood. That's it -- I'm divorcing you."

--She was screaming so loud the entire table stared in awe.

Tiger elegedly had known young sex kitten neighbor since she was 14 years-old. You could say hes been keep tabs on her since she popped outta the womb. Now thats just ronchy tiger. To make matters even more interesting, he had sex with her outdoors in the yard right next door sometime last year, which just so happen to be around when his new born baby popped out..dayum

I mean i gotta give it to tiger, having kids, banging 21 year-olds and absolutle betties. How Could you go wrong, and now hes got a divorce, so its totally cool now right?


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China's Dwarf Zoo

To some, China's new little people theme park is a groundbreaking attraction -- a $115 million project where little people live, work and earn money together.

But to many others, it's little more than a human zoo... where little people are humiliated and kept apart from the rest of society.

"Putting all the little people together is a form of segregation and a sign of treating people differently," Gary Arnold, a spokesman for the Little People of America, told reporter David Moye.

For most little people, there's a fine line between the kinds of entertainment roles they're willing to accept... and the scenarios many of them consider to be exploitative. And for many, all-dwarf projects like the one in China fall into the latter.

The owner of the Chinese theme park, however, says his project gives jobs to 100 people who might have a hard time finding work.



It is politically correct to refer to them as little people so, I'm going to refer to them as dwarfs, midgets, and munchkins for the rest of this blog. Where should I start?
First of all, you can't stick all dwarfs in a park, those little guys can't survive without real people to take care of them. They're like little helpless babies, also so cute. Everyone knows midgets can never roam alone:

I guess I gotta check out the Chinese Munchkin Zoo before the end of the world on July 5th, Huh? I heard Snow White and the seven dwarfs are the main attraction. Who honestly thinks that shit is exploiting dwarfs? And who thinks I can get any more sarcastic?


Honestly, this is why I rant about China. Nothing about a midget theme park is okay. Nothing. China is FUUUUCKED. Chinese, communist punks, they're all blacklisted in my book.



Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"

The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"





PS- Is this considered child porn?



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Doomsday, Schmoomsday!

The end of the world is coming... but for $30, you won't have to worry about it.

The Church of the SubGenius says July 5 will be "X Day," when aliens visit a remote part of New York State to carry the faithful off to eternal bliss. And anyone else who hasn't coughed up the $30 "will be exterminated, in a slow and painful process."

My friend Lee Speigel has been keeping up the the Church, X Day and its festivities.
As Lee writes, this is actually the second time the satirical church has predicted a doomsday event. The last was on July 5, 1998. We're still here but, church leader the Rev. Ivan Stang says 400 people had a pretty good party that day.


Really Church of the SubGenius? If there is anything I hate more than organized religion, it's organized bullshit. You're telling me for $30 I can achieve eternal bliss? Bitches, I reach eternal bliss with 2 pills and a 40oz ($5). Fuck on top of that, I achieve eternal bliss just by writing shit about this church(free). Anyway, the difference between my eternal bliss and this church's, is that mine is real and tangible. Their eternal bliss is just a bunch of invented bullshit that some lonely old man made up to appease himself and for self-entertainment. I can't begin to understand what type of person hops on board for this type of malarkey. Expect another party in New York State this July 5th.

PS- I LOVE XDAY AND ITS FESTIVITIES!!! BOTTOMS UP ON THE KOOL AID!





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Fuck the Flyers

The Boston Bruins Will play the FILTH-aDelphia Flyers Starting saturday in the semi-finals of the Stanley Cup Plays-offs.. With home ice advantage, there better be alottta this shit happeneing.





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Harvard? Not Tooo Shabby

“Students at Bard College have started a blog called Boobs@Bard, which (you guessed it) hosts pictures of topless co-eds. Harvard now has their own spin-off. Is this a symptom of our hypersexual culture, or a brave step towards body acceptance?”

I have got to say that I am very impressed and proud of Harvard here. Almost makes me wish I would have accepted there request for me to attend their little University over their, but thats too far of a commute from Mission Hill and you know this mayn.
Check out their thing they got going on.

href="http://boobsatharvard.tumblr.com/">


Scrlln
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Thumped Thursday

These people are getting blasted in the face and im loving every single second of it. Like oh whats this video about hmm maybe he will do some thing cool ive never seen befo...BANG! right in the face i couldnt even finish my thought and im laughing hysterically at my desk.


Scrlln
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Dude Gets Hit In Head And Cops Wood

Everything about this guy's fall is just classic. The stumble, the fact that he's still on the phone, its on national TV, and then he caps off his awesomeness with a fat huge boner.

It goes straight from dude's boner to Tiger, I can only imagine what type of deviant shit this made Tiger think of.


Scrlln
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Car Dangles Like My balls

"A DRIVER cheated death when his car shot through the outer wall of a multi-storey car park — SEVEN floors up.
He was reversing into a space when his foot became stuck between the accelerator and the brake.

The Mercedes shot back so fast it punched a hole in the wall and was left dangling perilously over the edge.

The death-defying accident happened on the seventh floor of the block in Tulsa, Oklahoma, US.

The unnamed driver, 67, escaped unharmed — but the C-class sent bricks raining down on cars parked at ground level below smashing windscreens.

Corporal David Crow, from the Tulsa Police Department, said: "We're very lucky no-one was walking there."

The authorities were able to drive the car forward because its rear wheels had not completely slipped off the edge.

A witness across the street said: "It's the craziest thing I've ever seen.

"There was a loud boom and we all looked up and saw the car coming through the wall." "


Jesus fuck, Who drives $50,000 mercedes benz through a fucking brick wall. When i first saw this picture I legitmately thought it was just one of those body shops that have the car "coming through the wall". The oklhoma police probally heard that shit and thought it was Timothy Mcvieh coming back for round two or someshit.

I can see just how all of this really happened:

The guys got like 5 months left until his retirement from his dumbass bullshit job that hes been working for 34 years, his wife calls him the second he gets into work and says, "honey lets to do lunch", he repondes " honey lets do IT", she says no pick me and well go to panera. So hes got 5 hours at work until lunch to think about how fucking terrible lunch is gunna be with his old wrinkly ass wife. As he walks out, the secretary gives him a wink and he thinks to himself, "Fuck, let me get on that". so he jumps in his cr picks his wife up and argues with her the whole entire way spinning his tires on every corner he see's, theres too long of a wait at panera so she talks him into going to get Arby's at the local shopping mall. GUY HATES ARBYS, just hates those fuckin curly fries and doesnt want to eat roast beef because his looks like his wifes...well..you know.. He goes to park, all furious and shit, BAM, through the wall and his wife says" what are you doing", he responds, " Sorry Honey, I just had to shake the old out of you"

Teenage Mom Running Over Witnesses

PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — A mom charged with leaving her baby in a car while she went shopping drove into a witness who reported the incident to police while the baby was in a car seat that was improperly installed, say police.

According to an affidavit by Officer Erik Widerstrom, on April 19, Teshanah Mayo, 19, of 5 Goodrich St., Kittery, Maine, left her child alone in a Mitsubishi Mirage while she went shopping in the Dollar Tree store. Widerstrom’s report to the District Court alleges a witness phoned police to say the 9-month-old baby was sleeping in the back of the car with all of the windows rolled up and the sun shining on her face.

When Mayo returned to her car, the witness told her she reported the incident to police and the two had “a brief argument,” according to Widerstrom’s report. The witness then stood in front of the car to prevent Mayo from leaving, when Mayo rolled the car forward and struck the witness’ knee, according to police.

Is the baby dead? No. Look man im not saying I endorse this type of shit or that if this was my baby's momma I wouldnt slap the shit out of her, BUT, I am saying 19 year old prego bitches got it rough man. Chick just trying to roll into the dollar store to buy fucking twizzlers and bon bon's without the ole ball n chain crying and making a scene. Chances are homeboy father ran out on this chick too and she just trying to flirt and find a new man, get that pussy spanked around a little bit. She's smart enough to know she aint finding a good man when shes got that little shit stained joy crusher strapped into the stroller at least. So shes rolling back to the car with baby Mayo still basking in the sun catching some Z's and some sleep PERFECTLY FINE and some nosey witness wants to put their 2 cents in about how to raise a child, so Teshana Mayo taught her a valuable rule: If you wanna be a bitch, you get ran over by a car like a bitch, plain and simple lesson learned ballgame.


Scrlln
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Is the NBA Rigged?

In the first round of the NBA Championship series, Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic Was sitting on the bench more than he was on the court. With foul after nonsense foul he was sat in order to stay in the game. Orlandos star player, Howard, is the # 1 defensive player in the league and a wildabeat within himself.

Now-- I fear the magic because of him because the celtics beat cleavland then they are up next provided they beat the Hawks in next weeks match up. Howard is bigger than most power forwards such as Kevin Garnett, Pao Gasol and even LBJ(Lebron James).

The Magics Dwight Howard posted on his Twitter account monday evening;

" I'm not looking to say anything to get myself in trouble with the league, but I just don't see other star players getting called for fouls the way I get them,I mean, it was almost comical at times how I was getting fouls called on me,There was nothing I could do [out] there and I felt like I couldn't even move without getting that whistle blown on me."

The NBA Commisioner and board has fined Howard $35,000 for "disgracing" the officials of the league. More like Steppin' up and sayin it how it really is.

So now theres always the discussion of, is the NBA rigged? Is a betting sport and as long as your on the inside your going to make a shit ton of money? YES, the NBA is absolutly rigged, even to the nitty gritty with LBJ saying his 'elbow hurts' so now he has to shoot foul shots lefty. What the fuck is that shit, It all just a giant publicity stunt. Or how Kobe Bryant and the lakers wrote a letter to the league two years ago stating that he is a very good player and valuable player, but because he is so dominant in the game, Many a times he is fouled and no foul is called. GOD FORBID LITTLE KOBE GETS HURT. So then, in the next season, hes at the free-throw line every two minutes. BULLSHIT, go change your number again kobe you prick.

Will Lebron ever win a NBA championship, If he doesn't get a ring this year will he stay in clevland until he does?
----Or maybe he will just start his own sweater line.




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Give it up, China!

The International Olympic Committee on Wednesday stripped China of a bronze medal in the women's team event at the 2000 Olympic Games after finding one of the team's athletes was underage.

The United States will be awarded the bronze medal instead, the IOC said in a news release.
The International Gymnastics Federation (FIG) in February decided to cancel all results obtained by gymnast Dong Fangxiao at the Sydney, Australia, Games.

"The FIG conducted an inquiry which showed that the athlete was only 14 years old during the 2000 Sydney Olympic Games," the IOC said. Under FIG qualification rules, athletes must be 16 in the year of the Games in order to compete.


USA! USA! USA! Way to go International Olympic Committee! Snatchbox on that BRONZE, China! Give us our shit back, we earned it you good for nothing underage cheater! Why don't you just stick to what you know best oragami, sushi, and chinese checkers. Call me ignorant but, the truth hurts. Go cry about it and then get the fuck over it. We don't fall for your chinese tricks. Really though, why does anybody even care about what happened in the 2000 Sydney olympics anyway? Shit was a decade ago.

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France Is Boring The Hell Out Of Me

We do it when we're tired, when we're bored or when we're hungry; parachutists have been seen to do it before a jump, and research has even suggested a link between yawning and sexual arousal.

But the exact causes and function of yawning remain a mystery, and one that until recently was surprisingly under-documented in the scientific world.

Now a French family doctor, Olivier Walusinski, has published what is billed as the first ever textbook on the subject, "The Mystery of Yawning in Physiology and Disease" — a collection of the latest research on this baffling and uncontrollable behavior.

The book will be followed up on June 24-25 with the First International Conference on Yawning in Paris, which will address issues such as the role of yawning as a brain-cooling mechanism and the hidden sexuality of the yawn.

"There are a number of theories, but there's no formal proof as yet of why we yawn," Walusinski told Reuters.


Borrrrrinngggggggg. I got a little bit of advice for Olivier Walusinski...If you don't have proof, don't write a fuckin book. How about you write a book about pure facts, like the fact that just hearing your geeky scientist name makes me yawn until my jaw hurts and I uncontrolably pass the fuck out on instant like im the insomniac from Deuce Bigelow. And what is this garbage about the "International Conference of Yawning" in Paris. They are going to discuss the hidden sexuality of he yawn eh? How about those French Frogs address the hidden sexuality of me sticking my schlong in their mouth so they shut the fuck up about their European nonsense. Eat a freedom fry you boring french fucks and stay out of my daily headlines.



Scrlln
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Hungry Hungry Hobo's

QUINCY, Mass. - Two cats in Quincy have had to be euthanized within the last week after being drenched in gasoline.

Animal control officers are now looking for the person or persons behind the attacks.

The cats were targeted just two streets apart. The first incident happened on Vane Street, and the second incident, involving Jill Reamer's cat Cocoa, happened on Lunt Street. Cocoa had to be put down after being doused in gasoline.

GOD DAMNIT! WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS SHIT!!! IM SO PISSED!!!!......well now that the jokes are done let me get to how I really feel. The truth is that we are living in a dog eat dog world people. These cats are out there in Quincy living in the wild. Chances are a Hobo with a gas tank was coming down from a meth binge and got fucking hungry. Its a classic story. Survival of the fittest baby. He most likely drenched the 2 cats then left to go get the barrel fire started and he was gonna grill up a chinese delicacy. Trust me people, this hobo was about to grill up the same thing that a lot of people are paying top dollar for down at Chin Wah's chinese gourmet down in China Town. If you don't want your cat being tossed around at Larry's Hobo Bonanzo down under the Longfellow Bridge then keep it inside, and if you are pissed that your cat got drenched in gasoline then go find who did it and get revenge, but if you really think calling the cops with a claim that your a victim of natural selection then you are in for a rude awakening buddy. Just be glad your not this guy.






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Modelo Especial has been brewed and packaged in Mexico by Grupo Modelo since 1925 and became available in the U.S. in 1990. Grupo Modelo is Mexico's largest brewer, operating seven state-of-the-art breweries throughout Mexico.

A rich, full-flavored pilsner beer with a slightly sweet, well-balanced taste, light hop character and crisp finish.

3.5% alcohol by weight, 4.4% alcohol by volume, 145 calories, 0 grams of fat per 12 oz.

6-Pack/12-oz. Bottle
12-Pack/12-oz. Bottle
6-Pack/12-oz. Can
12-Pack/12-oz. Can
18-Pack/12-oz. Can
12-Pack/24-oz. Can




Drink some Modelo(modeyo) and chant HEYO!



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Dirty, Grimmy, Almost way to fucked up jokes but it might get you through the day

What do white girls and bricks have in common?
---The both get laid by mexicans.

why do jews have big noses?
---air is free

What kind of file do you use to make a small hole larger
---A Pedophile

What does a 9 volt battery and a womans asshole have in common ??
---You know it's wrong but sooner or later you are going to touch it with your tongue!!


Why you should drink beer:

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

Old Man Slams Terrier

NAPERVILLE, Ill. – Three suburban Chicago firefighters rescued a small dog that became trapped inside a mechanized recliner chair by sawing the piece of furniture apart.


The crew of three arrived at the Sunrise of Naperville assisted living centre on Thursday to find a nurse's aide pulling on the chair to try and let the 5-year-old dog breathe. But after the chair was taken apart, Ebonyser was successfully freed.

Eighty-seven-year-old owner Ken Makris says his terrier, Ebonyser, has nerve damage following his Thursday night ordeal but that he is "coming along fine." Makris says the 5-year-old terrier is on painkillers but that he was able to go out for a walk Monday.

This is the second dog-swallowing-chair incident in recent weeks, after a spaniel in Torquay was also freed by firefighters after being captured by a recliner in March.



How exactly does a dog get stuck inside a piece of furniture? I assume Ken Makris was watching his old people shows (i.e. American Idol, Survivor, and Girls Gone Wild)with his dog, Ebonyser, giving themselves red rockets, and accidentally jerked the recliner closed. I feel like Ken got a little too lonely, bought a jar of peanut butter, and let Ebonyser go to town. Poor pooch, never saw ken cumming. What kind of painkillers does this dog get? And If I slam my leg in the recliner, can I get some codeine?

By the way, I haven't heard the name Ebonyser, since Ebonezer Scrooge, from A Christmas Carol (circa 1843).



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Throw Back Spank Bank

Ya father will appreciate this spank






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Quandria Bailey - Freedom Fighter

NEW HAVEN, Conn. - Police in one Connecticut city have a warning for nightclub patrons: Don't call 911 for a ride home.

New Haven police say that's what 28-year-old Quandria (KWAN'-dree-ah) Bailey did, calling the emergency line six times to request a ride from a nightclub back to her Meriden home.

Bailey was charged with six counts of misuse of the 911 system early Sunday. She was released on a $1,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court May 5.

A telephone number for Bailey could not immediately be located Sunday and it was unclear whether she had an attorney.

Honestly I can't really blame this chick for doing what she did. The same exact thought has ran through my head while im at the bar and dont feel like walking up the hill. The hill is steep and the cops patrol around the neighborhood about 20 cars deep not doing a damm thing. With a motto of "protect and serve" how about you protect and serve my drunk ass with a 3 minute ride home, i mean im pretty sure its on your way to nowhereville anyways right. Shit, even if you have to do your cop duty of breaking up a party i got no problem waiting in the car, hell, drop me off at the party for all I care. If your looking for me on May 5th just go to the Quandria Bailey court case and look for the loud obnoxious white guy screaming fight the power, just totally taking shit way too serious.

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How far can you throw your chicken?

"The Red Sox may be struggling, but don't worry -- there's something even better going on in Boston this weekend.

It's an attempt at history, and it has nothing to do with how many times David Ortiz will strike out this year. Fun-loving New Englanders will gather in Boston after the Run of the Charles Canoe and Kayak Race and attempt to set the record for "Most People Throwing Rubber Chickens at the Same Time."


Hate-in on the sox but ill go toss a chicken. Maybe toss up a couple salads of the hot under-age chicks running the chicken toss because they had to do community service for getting too drunk in high school. Badd Ass chicks. who knows maybe # 1 will show up with his giant cock, i mean chicken and slap it around a tid-bit. Maybe get arrested, spend a night in the drunk tank, maybe find a sexy cougar and pay her bail just for a blow job...but thats all if im not too hungover
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oh Eun-Sun # 1

KATMANDU, Nepal - A South Korean mountaineer became the first woman to scale the world's 14 highest mountains, crawling on all fours Tuesday as she reached the last summit.

Oh Eun-sun, 44, arrived at the final, steep stretch of Annapurna in the Himalayas 13 hours after she left the last camp to beat a Spanish rival to the record. Her feat was broadcast live in South Korea by KBS television.

At the top, she pulled out a South Korean flag, waved, and then wept before throwing up her arms and shouting, "Victory!"

Victoryyy!!!! Fuck Yeah!!!! The Sun shined on Oh Eun-sun yesterday ladies and gentleman and I couldn't be more proud of the little giant. While i was crawling to my door step after the bar this litle warrior with a heart of Gold was crawling up the tallest damn mountain in the world with a whole nation on her back. Now i know what your thinking, tons of people have climbed this mountain its just another boring story. NO. WRONG. NOT JUST ANOTHER STORY. Scientific studies show that the average female South Korean is 4'2". She beat the record of the Spanish who have an average height of 5'9". Now if my calculations are correct with the height factor and the distance traveled to the top of the mountain. This South Korean BEAST would have to take 487,000 more steps than the spanish. Thats like going up the mountain and then running the Boston Marathon. Backwards. And its a potatoe sack race.Simply Astonishing. Add in the fact that Asian chicks have an extra clit muscle and im putting this broad on full on Betty alert baby.

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Shove them Wings Up your Ass Buffalo, THE BRUINS WIN

"I let them get that first goal to easy in a couple of games", Tuukka said in his post-game interview.





The bruins Clinched the first round of the NHL Stanley Cup Play-offs last night at home for the first time since a playoff series back in May 1999. Vanek was the Sabres' leading scorer in the regular season, with 25 goals and 28 assists. It's the first time Boston has won playoff series in consecutive years since 1991-92. Recchi recorded his 75th career playoff assist. Kaleta and Gerbe each scored his first career playoff goal.

The Bruins took an early goal to contain the lead in the first. Mark Recchi had a goal and an assist, and Miroslav Satan also scored for the Bruins.

TUUKKA RASK beat out starting bruins goalie, and olympic backup goalie Tim Thomas late in the regular season and has continued his "calm-cool-and-collective" sense between the pipes this entire post season. TUUKKA had a .900 save percentage last night ingame six to beat out U.S. Olypic starting goalie, Ryan Miller.

The B's Gained 2-no lead in the second as the sabres made the game 2-1 and again we had a hockey game. Going into the third, the game at 2-1 in favor of the Boston Bruins, the B's score once again to make the game 3-1 in favor of the bruins. The sabres begin to panic and with 2:47 second left to go in the third the sabres net was empty and Ryan Miller, Olympic All-Star, was on the bench.

With a sore left Ankle, Vanek and the Buffalo Sabres showed a last bit of life as they scored a 3rd goal to make a nail bitting hockey game with 1:57 left to go in the third. Score at 4-3. The Sabres net was empty until the arena was littered with flying yellow towels and violent Bruins fans going ape shit on any Sabres fan with in their sight of view.

The Bruins will play Philadelphia if Montreal beats Washington in Game 7 on Wednesday night, or Pittsburgh if the Capitals beat the Canadiens in the only Eastern Conference series still in doubt.

Lindy Ruff went home and cried like a little bitch at his mothers grave while Ryan Miller bought the first hooker he found on the street and even she would'nt do him because he was a sabres-you're in boston BrA. Vanek went home and broke his ankle completly, kennedy took his attitude and took it back to pee-wee hockey where he belongs and matador went back to hollywood to meet up with Lindsey Lohan.





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Is Tom Hanks a pussy?

LOS ANGELES—Two-time Academy Award winner Tom Hanks, 53, once again invited a group of friends to his home and forced them to play a make-believe game of World War II with him, sources reported Saturday.

Director and producer Ron Howard, one of the guests, confirmed that Hanks made his visitors pretend they were a battalion of Allied soldiers for more than six hours.

According to sources, Hanks barked out pretend mission objectives to his friends before issuing uniforms and M1 Garand rifle replicas to Springsteen and Short. Due to a "recent attack on supply lines," Howard was given a green sweat suit and a tennis racket meant to be held backward like a gun.

"Bruce, you're the tough guy from Brooklyn who cares a lot more than he lets on and everybody calls you 'Brooklyn,'" Hanks reportedly said, pacing back and forth in an authentic 1943 U.S. officer's field jacket. "Martin, you're the funny medic named Dankowitz."

"Ron, you'll be the weakling Irish kid everybody thinks is going to get us killed," Hanks added. "Let's just hope you don't, soldier."



You know, I have mad respect for Tom Hanks so I'm not going to talk shit about him but, this make believe World War II game is just plain weird. Like seriously, unless you are a child, it is never okay to play war in the living room . Is this Tom Hanks idea of a Saturday night? I can imagine Tom Hanks friends coming over, expecting tea (and most likely teabagging) only to find out they're going to get dressed up in green sweat suits and play Cowboys and Indians. Like if I was going over to Tom Hanks crib, I would be pumped. I would be preparing myself for a night of blunts, booze, and babes only to find out I'm shooting a tennis racket to battle Tom Hanks. I bet his friends were just wondering what the fuck they got themselves into. Tom Hanks must have seriously been trippin balls. His friends probably would have had a more interesting night watching ESPN with Wilson from Cast Away. Love you Tom Hanks.


PS- I like how he made fun of pussy Irish kids. pvssy.







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Funny Jokes of the Day..

An Elephant stepped on a grape..

---- It wined a little


What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

----If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.


What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

-- The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out



My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies



I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.>--- Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night.
It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.


AND the best one of the DAY!

A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation.
After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it.
The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"

BOOOOOYA

GO FUCKIN BRUINS
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Rat A Tat Tat Mother Fucker

BOSTON - Police responded to a report of someone firing an Uzi submachine gun in Roxbury.

A couple of rounds were reportedly fired before the gun was left on Centre Street on Sunday.

Police arrested one person, but officers said they are still investigating the incident.

Ahh Roxbury. Home sweet home. I think I actually heard those gun shots and I didnt even bat an eyelash because I know thats just what goes on round here. I mean as soon as i moved into Mission Hill i bought a gun, i mean, when in Rome right? Shit, for all I know some old mother's dinner bell was broken and that was all she had to make a loud enough sound to get her little rugrats in for supper. You cant blame the lady for not wanting the grits to get cold. So all in all everyone knows Roxbury cats just love bustin off rounds out the uzi like it aint no thang and will use the first excuse they get to bust out the heater. Im sure if you wanted you could post a story about guns going off in Roxbury every damn day if you wanted..its not breaking news. Thats like writing a new story about English people having fucked up teeth. No thanks captain obvious.

Heres a video of hot chicks shooting big guns.



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Bruins Fight in Stands

BRING IT BACK



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"AP) A German man who stuffed 44 small lizards into his underwear before trying to board a flight has been sentenced to prison in New Zealand for plundering the country's protected species.

Hans Kurt Kubus, 58, will spend 14 weeks behind bars and must pay a 5,000 New Zealand dollar ($3,540) fine before being deported to Germany as soon as he is released, District Court Judge Colin Doherty ruled on Tuesday.

Kubus was caught by wildlife officials at Christchurch International Airport on South Island in December, about to board an overseas flight with 44 geckos and skinks in a hand-sewn package concealed in his underwear.

He admitted trading in exploited species without a permit and hunting absolutely protected wildlife without authority, pleading guilty to two charges under the Wildlife Act and five under the Trade in Endangered Species Act.

The geckos may have been worth 2,000 euros ($2,800) each on the European market, he noted."


Its a dam good thing I have not flew in a few years with all this heighten security because they'd be finding my lizard every time i went. And i dint make my own "pouch" for my lizard, I buy my shit at sears.

2800 bones for a lizard? I charge bitches 3000 just to look at mine, better yet have it. He's either Asian, gay, or extremely misfortunate. Either way, them lizards are just chilling with him and his dong for an entire flight..i thought genital flees was bad.
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B's Back in Boston for game 6.

The bruins play back in boston tonight for game 6 of the first round in the fight to the Stanly Cup. After winning three games straight, the B's lost friday night 4-1 after playing their worst game so far this post season.

Changes in each teams line up will alter the intensity of the game tonight with the smell of Marc Savard possibly coming back for game six tonight, Milan lucic and Marco Sturm, Both have been very cold this post season, Move from the top two left wings on the team to rotating lines as claude Julien tries to get every bit of offense sqweezed out of them. Combined, the two have had 20 shots on goal, 0 goals and 0 assist in the last five post-season games. Not cool, Lucic, although he has fought some this post season, he has steadily lost his reputation of a bad ass and just become a little pansy, whats up with that?

The B's Must come out on their toes tonight, sharp and ready to go. They also need to "Man-up", take big hits and give big hits, its the name of the game. They need to skate hard, in game 5, the b's were outskated, out shot and out hit.

First five games the Sabres struck first, tonight, in boston, the Bruins attack..


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Omar

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Spank Bank

DIME PIECEEEEE



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12 Year Old Girl Has Bigger Balls Than Me

LONG BEACH, N.Y. - When her best friend turned purple, Miriam Starobin’s thoughts turned to yellow — cartoon hero SpongeBob SquarePants.

The denizen of fictional undersea Bikini Bottom was being credited Friday with inspiring a lifesaving rescue during music class at a seaside school earlier this week.

Miriam, a Long Beach Middle School seventh-grader, and her “BFF,” Allyson Golden, had just finished rehearsing the “West Side Story” classic, “I Feel Pretty,” for an upcoming choral competition when their teacher cracked a joke that had the 12-year-olds erupting in laughter.

“Allyson was chewing gum, which she shouldn’t have been,” Miriam recalled Friday in a mock tattletale voice during an interview in the principal’s office. “We were laughing and then the gum gets lodged in Ally’s throat. And she stopped laughing, which was weird because Ally laughs a lot.”

That’s when Miriam says she recalled an episode of the popular Nickelodeon cartoon, where she believes she saw SpongeBob use the Heimlich maneuver to retrieve a clarinet lodged in the throat of another character, Squidward.

“And I get her up and I do the Heimlich and the gum goes flying out of her mouth,” she said.

Allyson, who pleads guilty to chewing a wad of Trident Original Flavor, realized almost immediately what her friend had done. “I gave her the biggest hug and I was like, ’Miriam you just saved my life. I owe you big time.’ And she’s just, ’Oh, no, it was no big deal.”’


This reminds me of the time I was at the strip club and my boy Ant started choking on a chicken wing. I noticed he was choking because he stopped talking and my boy ant NEVER shuts the fuck up. I punched the mother fucker in the stomach and the wing shoots out right next to this sluts 6 inch heel and we got back to doing our thing. Now I saved the guys life but im a grown ass man and I am just prone to do shit like that. This little 12 year old rugrat is a fucking hero and this is the exact type of story that movies are made of. If I were the principal i would just send this chick straight to High School and skip all that other shit because she is obviously in a different league playing in a different ballpark. And then to top it all of the humility of the chick "oh, no, it was no big deal" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? ITS A HUGE FUCKING DEAL YOU JUST SAVED YOUR BFF'S LIFE!! They should make sure this chick doesnt have a penis because she is way too brave to be a 12 year old little girl, unless maybe her dad is Rambo or McGyver or Doug Flutie, then it would make sense.



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Fuck Justin Bieber

Who is Justin Bieber you ask? Well ask any girl between the ages of 10-14 and they would say "OH MY GAWSH HE'S SO HAWT MMM I WANT HIS UNDEVELOPED GENITALS IN AND AROUND MY MOUTH!"
If you ask me, Justin Bieber is a prepubescent Canadian lesbian who sings like a little girl and overuses auto tune. I don't know about you but, I hate mainstream music and I'm already sick of hearing about this "pop sensation." This kid is nothing more than a dip shit fucker who thinks hes cool just because he knows Usher. Have fun at your weed free, drug free, apple juice parties with Usher.
Honestly, my basic argument is this lesbian isn't old enough to drive or see an R-rated movie yet but, still sings about love and the negative aspects of love (such as breaking up over AOL instant messenger).

Anybody who is thinking "Oh you're just jealous because Justin is more successful than you", NO, go fuck yourself and eat shit. Seriously, I would never in a million lifetimes aspire to be Justin Fucking Queerber.




PS- His apple juice parties make the bananas in pajamas sleepover look like a hardcore orgy.

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Bruins in it to win it

Gather your friends beers and Boston spirit tonight ladies and gentlemen. HSBC arena in Buffalo is going to be ROCKIN and SOCKIN tonight. I even heard they were bringing out the spiciest chicken wings ever just for this game so the fans would go absolutely wild. Expect teeth to be knocked out, glass and bones to be broken, Fans to fight, and coaches to break down.

After the showdown the other night, and though the bruins got a 3-1 one lead its going to be another gnarley game tonight. The bruins are coming off hot as hot is is, while the sabres are coming ready to play hard physical hockey.

go bruins

Grilled Cheese? Pleaseee

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. - Students at New Jersey's Atlantic City High School have learned not to mess with the lunch ladies.

Cafeteria workers served only cheese sandwiches Wednesday and Thursday as punishment for a food fight.

School Superintendent Fredrick Nickles says the school supplies only the basic food requirement when there's been a food-throwing incident. Nickles says the policy has been effective over the years.

Only the group that engaged in the fight out of the school's three lunch periods was punished.

Parent Bridgitte Reid became angry after her daughter explained the menu. Reid called it "prison food."

A full meal was on the menu for students Friday.

Ahh my high school days. When grass was grass and blowjobs from 17 year old girls were legal. Now that im done reminiscing on my glory days lets get to this completely lame story. The students have a bad ass food fight nailing the nerds with pudding snacks, throwing water on the girl with big jugs, and the principal gets a whole tray of baked beans to the crotch. Definantly a big punishment coming down for these little rascals right. Like whats it gonna be suspension? all day detention maybe? nope. Freaking grilled cheese sandwiches. Half those bad ass dirty jerz scumbag kids would probably kill for a fucking grilled cheese and im sure the other half have heard of a little something called bagged lunch. it's making stupid ass decisions like this that got you into the position as school lunch lady anyways. Get your shit together Atlantic City High School, for the sake of the children.


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Freak Show Friday

These 2 FREAKS are brother's from Mexico. Too weird to live, Too Strange too die.



And this is their sister Jen.




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Gayberry With A Beach

KURE BEACH, N.C. - A North Carolina town that the mayor called "Mayberry with a beach" has banned swimmers from wearing thongs.

Kure (kyoor-EE) Beach Mayor Dean Lambeth says "we're going to keep this as close to Mayberry with a beach as you can keep it," referring to the idyllic Southern community portrayed on the 1960s TV series "The Andy Griffith Show."

The Star-News of Wilmington reports that the town council voted Thursday to add a ban against the revealing swimwear to its existing ordinance against nudity.

The move came after the police chief received an e-mail earlier in the week asking if the town's existing nude bathing ordinance allowed thongs.

The ordinance bans nudity or "insufficient clothing," and the man wanted to know if thongs were allowed for both men and women.

Dean Lambeth needs a reality check. If a Betty walks by andy griffith with her sweet ass hanging out of a pink, skin tight thong with camel toe flashing I can guarantee even honorable Mr. Andy Griffith's tongue is gonna roll 5 inches out of his mouth while he drools over his own dick at that sweet peice of ass. Thats the nature of man. Now I can't say for certain that ole Dean over here is a bonafide pole smoker but I would'nt be surprised if the mayor of "gayberry with a beach" is a 100% pickle sniffer. Well i guess to each town there own and the mayor can do what he wants but Mayor Lambeth doesn't need to sugarcoat the fact that he's a sausage tugger because I see right through that line of bullshit. Stay classy Gayberry.


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A Shitty Situation

ALBION, Ind. – Police said that officers searching for a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff's deputies thought they'd lost the man until an officer spotted him in the tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near Albion.

Chief Deputy Doug Harp said the man, 52, had been neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces for at least an hour Tuesday evening. He later became combative and had to be shocked twice with a stun gun.

The suspect was treated at a hospital for hypothermia before he being taken to jail.

A Steuben County magistrate on Wednesday ordered the suspect held without bail because he missed court hearings in February and March.

This son-of-a-bitch! What a shitty night this guy had (quite literally). I mean my man is just minding his own, trying to smoke the glass dick. Dude gets chased by the sheriffs and decides to go swimming in a pool of pig and dog shit for an hour?! I'm not a doctor but, I feel like it's pretty safe to say if you go swimming in shit for an hour, you're asking to get the swine. You think those pig cops took a shit on his face after?
As if that wasn't enough, he gets shocked by a stun gun while covered in shit before his rawmeat methface is dragged to the hospital to be treated for hypothermia.
This guys life went from low to lowest. Doesn't get much worse. Fuck this disgusting sub-human scumbag. Hope your meth trailer blows up.


PS- This guy has a beavis n butthead face.

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Freaky Friday Beer Of the Day

"The original wheat beer is the oldest and most famous of Hoegaarden’s range. When poured, it forms a soft, white creamy head and leaves a generous lacing on the glass. Its naturally cloudy, pale hue shimmers when viewed through the glass.

With an aroma of orange peel, coriander and spice, its characteristic taste is entirely unique: smooth, light-bodied, and simultaneously sweet and sour, with a subtle, spiced citrus flavour. Best served in its traditional hexagonal glass.
4.9% ABV "

A Beligian Beer, It is not seen on tap here in Boston very much however you can find it in any of your local Package stores in 6 or 12-packs. 6 pack around 8 dollars and a twelver for around 14. Good shit really, a white beer, much like the popular Blue moon or UFO white.

Do you know where you can find some hoe's in a gaarden on tap in boston?
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Never leave a man, or Beer, Behind

"COLUMBIA, Mo. (AP) — Two Columbia sanitation workers who apparently couldn't stand by and let beer go down the drain allegedly took dozens of cases of expired brew from the city landfill.
Police and city supervisors are trying to determine whether the salvage was a crime — theft of city property — or just a policy violation.

"If we determine it's a police matter, we will take some action," said officer Jessie Haden, a Columbia police spokeswoman.

A Columbia distributor, Scheppers Distributing Co., sent 1,500 cases of expired beer to the landfill on April 1 in two shipments. The first shipment was destroyed immediately, but the second, containing about 700 cases of Budweiser and Michelob Ultra, was not.

Margrace Buckler, the city's human resource director, said two Solid Waste Division workers, who haven't been identified, brought a city pickup to the landfill and hauled off about 50 cases of the beer.

Word spread of the acquisition. A week later, city officials reviewed video from the landfill and saw the workers drive away with their haul. City officials say they still don't know what happened to the beer."

Talk about a major buzz kill. I mean, if your gunna have a beer, you drink the whole thing, if your gunna sell beer, sell all of it, dont fuckin throw it away.

So,Homebre pablo here, and his buddy Jose get 50 cases of free Budweiser, goes home and prob gets smashed with his buddy from the landfill, they are hammerred, they call up there trashy girlfreinds, (get it? they work at a trash dump, their GF's are trashy), and then just have a grand-ole-time.

Within tryin to "Save-the-beer", the city see's they have done wrong. Whats so wrong? YOUR WASTING 1600 CASES OF BEER FOR FUCK SAKE. Thats like free beer for a semester.


Its fucked up too, the can lady comes around once a day, goin in and out of yards, trash and shit, Gettin good n' dirty. AND shes making money, how is that not illegal, its still beer bottles, 5 cents each. Pablo and Jose are just trying to get a good buzz...

..its friday, the celtics play tonight, get yourself some budweiser, and lets get fucked up.



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FUCK YEA

Hillside Market...your one stop shop for anything from groceries to a sweet hookah. With hours ranging from when you wake up to when you go to bed, they are almost always open and always friendly.








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Moby Dickhead

PROVINCETOWN, Mass. - A man canoeing in the ocean waters off Massachusetts has died after the vessel came in contact with one or more whales and capsized.

The accident occurred Wednesday morning in Cape Cod's Provincetown Harbor. A second man in the canoe survived.

The Coast Guard says a vessel owned by a local boat rental company pulled the men from the water, but paramedics were unable to revive one of them. The man's name was not immediately released.

The survivor told authorities that the 12-foot canoe came in contact with at least one whale that surfaced. Investigators believe it was a pod of pilot whales — or possibly dolphins.

The Cape and Islands District Attorney's office is investigating


I started reading this and said Damn dude you were attacked by a whale?!? Holy Shit!! and then i read faerther and theres a possibility it was dolphins. What a bunch of bullshit. 2 years ago i went whale watching with my family and I guarantee there is no damn way in hell you mistake a dolphin for a whale or vice versa. Thats like mixing up a stone and a boulder, a dodge neon and an 18 wheeler, or Megan Fox and this...



That shit just doesnt happen. Game Set Match.

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Gang Bang Tonight In Hartford

HARTFORD, Conn. - A Connecticut man is due in court on charges that he targeted his neighbor in an online advertisement that invited strangers to a rowdy orgy with a soccer mom.

Forty-two-year-old Philip James Conran is scheduled to appear Thursday in Hartford Superior Court.

The West Hartford man is charged with reckless endangerment, harassment and other offenses.

Police say Conran and the neighbor had been feuding.

They say he posted a Craigslist ad on April 5 pretending to be the neighbor. The ad said the woman wanted to fulfill her fantasy of group sex and listed her address, prompting several strangers to visit or drive by.

One man was arrested after allegedly going to the wrong address and groping a teenage girl there.

When I piss my neighbors off they let there dog shit in my yard, blare loud music at 4am, leave hate mail on my doorstep, let the whole neighborhood know Im an asshole, and then they call the cops on me. Only in my wildest dreams do they ever put an ad in the paper for groups of people to have rowdy orgy sex with me at all hours of the day. And what are these charges, reckless endangerment?!? The only thing in danger is this guys weiner is in danger of running out of love juice which he will just have to fill up on for the next group of hot sexy barely legal Betty's that want to blow fondle gargle slap tickle and bounce around all night long. Because thats exactly the type of people that respond to ads like these.








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The wurst way to go?

(Reuters) - German police have arrested a man on suspicion of murdering a woman with a sausage. Prosecutors and police said the 50-year-old was arrested after the woman's body was discovered in an apartment in Zwickau, eastern Germany. They said she had choked on a Bockwurst, a popular large German sausage. The prosecutors said the man had given a patchy account of events, acknowledging that he may have "administered" a Bockwurst to the woman. They are now working to establish exactly what happened in the run up to her death.

In the human thirst for knowledge, man has many great questions surrounding the universe. One of the most intriguing questions by far is, "Think I can fit this 10 inch sausage in my mouth"? When I first read this story I thought, damn, bitch is a freak. My next thought was, of course this happened in Germany; A land of nazis, beer, sausage, and Augustus Gloop (yes).
What exactly does "administered" a Bockwurst mean? They make it sound like this guy is a doctor giving this slut her daily sausage filling. Let me take a stab at what exactly happened minutes before the sausaging.
Clearly, after perhaps a glass of wine and a traditional german bockwurst dinner, things got sexy. With leftover bockwurst, what else is there to do put shove it in all orifices? What is the common initial reaction to a dead bitch with sausage hangin out her throat. Like if I was this guy, I would think "I either just killed this German whore or that sausage is delicious." Seriously German bro, did you rape the dead, yet still warm body after ya nazi?




PS- Augustus Gloop looks like he tosses oompa loompa salads. Germans disgust me.


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Spank Bank Material

Jessica Alba - PUT THAT IN YOUR BANK AND SPANK IT








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